iFeelYou: Not as exciting as it sounds

I absolutely love finding a gem of an app--some small, useless novelty program that is endlessly entertaining even though it might not be able to compete with the big guys like Sim City.

When I came across iFeelYou, I thought there was a strong possibility that I'd found another shrine to the goofy perversion of our inner fourteen-year-old. Unfortunately, the app leaves much to be desired.

iFeelYou is a game that promises to "make you a massage master in no time." When you launch the app, you're confronted with an undressed woman on a table. Her arms and back lay out before you like an enigmatic puzzle that must be solved if you are to accomplish your goal of bringing her to the utmost level of sensual pleasure.

Sounds kinda goofy and fun, don't it? Unfortunately the novelty ends there.

There are five main zones of massage. Your goal is to rub your finger on the iPhone in the perfect rhythm to "please" your lady friend. Rub too softly, and you get nothing. Rub too harshly, and you lose.

Each zone has a meter that shows your progress. There is also an "overall progress" meter as well as an indicator to let you know if you need to ease off or get more aggressive with your rubbing.

After about three minutes of pleasing the woman, though, boredom begins to set in. There are really no add-ons, and simply rubbing your finger on an iPhone screen really can't, in my opinion, be called an effective "game."

Of course, it does get harder with every new level...but the frustrating thing is that it's very hard to get a bead on why, exactly, your progress meter will increase or decrease. You do get the hang of it, but mastering a level doesn't lead to a sense of accomplishment so much as a feeling of relief that you can reach the end of the level and turn the damn thing off.

In the end, this one isn't worth $0.99. Fun idea with a lot of potential, but without the cheeky, fun execution I've come to expect from my novelty apps.

You can buy iFeelYou HERE.