Get a Date: Bad advice regarding human mating rituals.

Even HAL9000 supercomputers need loving sometimes.  Yesterday, I was hanging out... alone... and I thought, "Hey, I've got an iPhone.  Surely there is an application that can help me get a date with a beautiful girl."  I did some searching.  The stars aligned, and I found a brand-spanking-new application entitled Get a Date. (by Inner Four Inc.) [Oh, please don't miss clicking on the developer's link! -ed.]

There comes a point in every editor's life...

As you can probably tell from my writings, I am not good at putting together words.  Not to mention that my wild shyness keeps me from hitting on hot girls in short skirts at bars who are drunk and annoying and never shut up and just use the situation as an excuse to get pathetic losers to buy them drinks.

I'm just too shy.

But not any more.  With Get a Date I can always find the perfect (and random) thing to say to get the conversation going.

Open the app and you will see a white silhouette of two lovers about to kiss in the snow.  This will inspire you to hit the app's one major button: "Let's Get a Date."

That's right iPhone.  We're in this together.

...when a writer submits a story...

Here's the scene: I walk up to a lady, push the button, hold my iPhone aloft, and say the words that the gods have chosen:

"That outfit would looks great!"

She stares in confusion.  I, too, am a little surprised.  Perhaps the app developer's first language is not English, and "That outfit would looks great!" is a bad translation of some beautiful sonnet.

I push the "New Line" button, blushing, desperate to redeem myself.

"I'm Batman," I say with great intensity.  "Want to see my batmobile?"

It worked!  She came out to the parking lot with me.  But when she saw that there was no Batmobile, she began crying.  I didn't know what to do, so I ran away.

...that makes you want to dig your own eyes out.

At bar number two, I pick the most beautiful girl in the room.  I stroll over, hit my "New Line" button, and spout the words off with a charming smile:

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

She smiles.  I pull up a chair and buy her a drink.

We were immediately married and she is now impregnated with my bastard spawn.

Thanks, Get a Date!

Aaannd... SCENE!

The application is wicked simple.  It's charm comes from the cheesy lines, the random misspellings, and the absolute inability to scroll through different lines.  Everything is cheesy, simple and random.

"Liberate tutame ex inferis." Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.

It didn't take long to start finding repeat phrases, though, so I'd like it if the pickup phrase book was expanded.  Also, maybe it would be fun to change the background image based on the line itself.  But I can't really be hard on this app as it is clearly not meant to be taken seriously (I hope).

If you have $0.99 to throw away, go for it.  It's entertaining, and I'm thinking of going to a bar with some single friends and turning this into a nice "dare ya to" game.  Pick the girl, pick the line, and watch the fireworks.

Now I'm going to go home and sleep with my new wife.

You can buy Get a Date here.

 

Comments

[HAL9000]

So..."best" pickup lines?

"So, you walking to your car alone later?"

or

"Let's get out of here. My Mom's basement is 10 times cooler, anyway."