Virtual Zippo Lighter: Douche baggery in a mesmerizing false flame.

This is a hard review to pin down.  After writing about such feature-heavy apps as Pandora Radio and Now Playing, we're moving on to something a lot less exciting.

I know people who think the idea of this application is the coolest thing ever.  These people go to crappy  concerts a lot.  Their idea of expressing musical love and "deep" friendship is, of course, waving a lighter around in the air while an overrated singer belts out angsty lyrics like there is no tomorrow. Preferably with a group of semi-inebriated, lighter-waving friends.

Oh, trendy, post-modern, ironic imagery, what won't you make suck?

I am guilty of being a jackass as much as the next guy.  And yes, I am ashamed to admit that I have blazed up a lighter or two in my time.  So while the above paragraph may seem overly and unnecessarily harsh, I do get it.  Hell, I listened to Staind when I was in high school. [You = "Fird". See what I did there? -ed.]

Don't judge me.

But now there is no need for your drunken friends to risk setting the concert venue ablaze--we have Virtual Zippo Lighter.

For years, health-conscious non-smokers have been left lighterless and have, instead opted to hold their phones aloft, LCD displays blazing in soft blue glory.  This iPhone app takes this absurd idea one step farther, creating an actual fake flame in the form of a customizable flip-open lighter.

Okay, okay.  I'm going to review the app now, I promise.  The interface is good.  You can choose from numerous custom lighters, and you can even add text to the lighter in order to make yourself unique and special (just like everyone else).  The accelerometer is used well, allowing you to flip the lighter open with a strong shake of the wrist.  Then swipe across the instrument to light your lighter.  Accompanying sound effects also help as well.  Soon you will not be able to tell the difference between your hi-tech phone and your $5 lighter.  When you tilt the phone, the flame even reacts accordingly.

I hope the heat in your pants over this trendy lighter design will start that campfire when you get lost in the woods!

Two complaints.  First, the app is hella unstable.  The open screen even warns to restart your phone if the app crashes...and it does.  Often.  Second, the customizable text feature, while a good idea, falls short.  You can only add one line of text, so if you want to write something more than a few characters long, the app automatically adds an ellipsis  at the end.  Why not give me two lines to write what I want?  There is more than enough space on the fake lighter.

So, overall, the app works like it's supposed to and has all the bells and whistles we have come to expect from our fake lighter manufacturers.

But...come on!? Really!? De we need to feel cool so badly that we will raise our touch screens aloft at a concert, advertising our superiority and our love of the music?  If you use this app (in public), all it says is "I'm a healthy douche bag who doesn't smoke,  and look at how I use my expensive phone to "slum it" on your level!"  My advice?  If you have a lighter and want to hold it aloft, have a field day. I will still mock you silently.  But if you hold up your iPhone with a friggin' fake flame on it at a concert...I will just feel badly for you. [And I hope someone punches you in the face and takes your iPhone. -ed.]

That said, it's a somewhat amusing, well done app with some serious stability issues.  Entertain yourselves and disregard my misanthropic ramblings.

Now, if it actually lit cigarettes, that would be awesome.

Comments

[HTMLGIANT / lokes in damp 3 ho]

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