New Suicide Girls app Is the definition of lame.

It’s funny that a female friend of mine was the one who sent me a text message asking “Have you seen the Suicide Girls app where they take their clothes off?” It’s also funny that it took me precisely 9.7 seconds to find and download the thing.

It’s not that I’m a chauvinistic pig…but the Suicide Girls have always been my favorite alternative cup of tea. They’re just pretty and fun to look at. Sue me.

So imagine my surprise when I download Suicide Girls – Flip Strip and find myself on the opposite end of impressed.

It’s not that I expected crazy, wild pornographic images. I wanted cute girls in cute outfits with cute tattoos and emo hair cuts. The app thinks it’s giving you that, but you can just tell…these girls are posers.

They look like typical blonde supermodels done up to look “punk” or “goth” or otherwise “alternative.” There’s an attitude that’s supposed to be there with a Suicide Girl, and these girls ain’t got it.

I will admit, the type of pretty girl you’re into is a personal preference, but the app disappoints in many other ways.

First, it gives you only ten girls. Each girl has one picture. When you turn the phone upside-down, you see the girl in her underwear (woo-hoo, I’m 12 years old again!).

And that’s all. So, basically, this app is a collection of twenty pictures with very minimalist animations and the “gimmick” of flipping the phone around to disrobe your lady friends. Kinda lame.

Not to mention the fact that the pictures are full head-to-toe shots of the girls standing against a white void. There is almost no variation.

I know the iTunes store is a bunch of puritanical high-horse riders, but the problems with this app have nothing to do with decency. It’s about variety and choice and playfulness–this one has none of those things.

I debated whether to even review this one, honestly, for fear of alienating some of our female readers. In the end, though, I hate this app for very progressive reasons…the girls look like stereotypical bimbos.