Why does everybody play GTA? Isn’t it obvious? To run over prostitutes and throw people out of cars! Now Rock Star has brought this morally reprehensible and amazingly fun game to the iPhone. All the joy is there…but with a few serious kinks.

Of all of these problems, the driving controls stand out as the most egregious. They take some serious getting used-to, and it keeps the game from coming even close to the experience you can have on the PS3. It would also be nice to have a bit more of a ground-level view to help up the visceral experience of GTA. Check out the video review below.

You can buy it HERE

Enter 2XL ATV Offroad, it’s easily the BEST dirt racing game on the iPhone. If you thought the graphics and framerate was good in Supercross, you’ll be blown away with 2XL ATV Offroad. This game truly feels like a console experience and it’s got the visuals to back it up. Unlike Supercross, this feels like a full game. You’ve got outdoor racing with National tracks, indoor racing with Supercross tracks and my absolute favorite, Freestyle. Freestyle allows you to do stunt after stunt in a WIDE open environment, it’s a pretty amazing experience playing this on a portable.

[Video Review by Mr. Pence]

The multiplayer option is great, you can can play with up to 5 different racers via Wi-Fi and the Career mode is excellent. Did I mention the framerate and graphics? Believe me, the first time you change your camera perspective during a race, you’ll taste the dirt in your mouth. It’s that good. The stunts you can pull off in the Freestyle mode are both amazing and a blast to perform.

So, if you’re looking for the ULTIMATE dirt racer, look no further, 2XL ATV Offroad is the ONLY choice.

You can buy 2XL ATV Offroad HERE.

Within minutes, I was MAJORLY disappointed… While the graphics are good, the gameplay is very much lacking. You basically handicap a race, that’s it.

[Video Review by Mr. Pence]

There’s no career mode, no purchasing a horse and training it, nothing. You just pick some horses to win, place or show. You can’t even bet a exacta or trifecta. What’s up with that? Also, the only racing you can do is on the turf. I mean I like turf racing, but I also like my bourbon with ice… Where’s the dirt racing? I’m hoping the developer will take this app and expand on it, because it COULD be a great app. However, right now, it’s just a nag.

You can buy Virtual Horse Racing HERE.

[Video Review by Mr. Pence]

Well, I’m here to tell you Ramp Champ is addictive as hell. You have four different ramp games to choose from and each one has a different theme. Clown Town is my favorite, with Space Swarm a VERY close second. You start off with nine balls and you start rolling for points. The higher the score, the more tickets you get. You then can redeem your tickets for digital trinkets, I’m saving up for the Die Cast UFO.

I know the premise of this game seems simple, but I’ll bet you become a Ramp Champ addict like me in no time.

You can buy Ramp Champ HERE.

But I’m a fairly young guy, so let’s face it; most of my lunar-landing-missions knowledge comes from the movie “Apollo 13.”  It’s only natural I relate this app to that.

Even for someone who grew up way after the heyday of the space race, though, Lunar Module 3D brings on a weird sense of nostalgia.  It’s not that the app, which “simulates” the lunar lander using its thrusters to land on the moon, is highly accurate or scientific.  In truth, it’s pretty simple and traditional.  But the way it’s wrapped in the imagery and nomenclature of NASA….well, it just makes you wish we were still exploring the galaxy in a super-dramatic way.

[Video Review by Johnny5]

The game is simle but well-designed.  Interface design could use some spoofing up, but it’s a minor quibble.  The game is surprisingly hard, and the tilt controls can get somewhat annoying, but hey, video games are made to be challenging, right?

This one is a great little game from a smaller developer.  And for just $0.99, it’s a steal on the iTunes store.

You can buy Lunar Module 3D HERE.

When I came across iFeelYou, I thought there was a strong possibility that I’d found another shrine to the goofy perversion of our inner fourteen-year-old. Unfortunately, the app leaves much to be desired.

iFeelYou is a game that promises to “make you a massage master in no time.” When you launch the app, you’re confronted with an undressed woman on a table. Her arms and back lay out before you like an enigmatic puzzle that must be solved if you are to accomplish your goal of bringing her to the utmost level of sensual pleasure.

Sounds kinda goofy and fun, don’t it? Unfortunately the novelty ends there.

There are five main zones of massage. Your goal is to rub your finger on the iPhone in the perfect rhythm to “please” your lady friend. Rub too softly, and you get nothing. Rub too harshly, and you lose.

Each zone has a meter that shows your progress. There is also an “overall progress” meter as well as an indicator to let you know if you need to ease off or get more aggressive with your rubbing.

After about three minutes of pleasing the woman, though, boredom begins to set in. There are really no add-ons, and simply rubbing your finger on an iPhone screen really can’t, in my opinion, be called an effective “game.”

Of course, it does get harder with every new level…but the frustrating thing is that it’s very hard to get a bead on why, exactly, your progress meter will increase or decrease. You do get the hang of it, but mastering a level doesn’t lead to a sense of accomplishment so much as a feeling of relief that you can reach the end of the level and turn the damn thing off.

In the end, this one isn’t worth $0.99. Fun idea with a lot of potential, but without the cheeky, fun execution I’ve come to expect from my novelty apps.

You can buy iFeelYou HERE.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine the other day and he was playing Flick Fishing. At first, I didn’t know what all the fuss was about, then I decided to give it a shot myself. Now, I’m hooked.

You see, I love to fish but as I said earlier I don’t have lot of free time time to spare. So, Flick Fishing is the best of both worlds to me. You can quickly cast and reel in a catfish and you never have to leave to comfort of your couch. Obviously, it’s not the real thing. However, it’s just addictive enough to keep you coming back for more.

[Video Review by Mr. Pence]

The folks at Freeverse have made a really quality fun game for .99¢. The graphics are nice and the sound is pretty incredible. There’s Bluetooth multiplayer and a Fish Net that keeps track of who has caught what. Also, this is the first title I’ve seen that has in-App purchasing. You can purchase other fishing areas such as an isolated beach. At .99¢ this title is a steal and will be competing for those five minute breaks with Pocket God.

Just be careful playing this on a 3GS, some people have stated their Oleophobic coating has rubbed off because of the addictive nature of this game.

You can buy Flick Fishing HERE.

The graphics and sound are what you’d expect from ANY DESKTOP version of the Sims game. It’s hard to believe you are playing this on a mobile device.  The GUI is responsive and it has the addictive gameplay that all The Sims titles have.

[Video Review by Mr. Pence]

Electronic Arts has not compromised gameplay one bit on the iPhone release; The Sims 3 FEELS like a full-blown game because it is. The ONLY drawback is that you cannot build your own house, you can only add on to it. Also, I was hoping the in-app purchases would be working, but apparently that feature has not been enabled. I can only speculate, but I’m betting down the road you’ll see expansion downloads for this.

Electronic Arts has done an awesome job with their recent releases of Need for Speed and Tiger Woods. I’m serious when I tell you The Sims 3 is probably EA’s most impressive iPhone App release to date. People may frown at the $9.99 price, if you’re a Sims fan this is a MUST HAVE.

You can buy The Sims 3 HERE.

What’s so offensive about Drunk Sniper?  Nothing at all.  It’s just a game where you perform a normal bodily function.  And you perform it while intoxicated.  And you get points for hitting the mark.

We’ve all been there.  You’ve had a little too much to drink, and it’s time to pop the seal.  You unzip and, if blessed/cursed with a penis, you whip it out and try your best to keep from soaking the room in yellow liquid.

Well now you can have that same experience, only without the bathroom, the drunkenness, or even the penis!

(That’s right girls…if you’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to “drain the lizard,” this is your app.  But don’t expect the uber-masculine sense of self-satisfaction afterward).

It feels almost silly reviewing the details of this app, but here goes.  The design is simple and straightforward.   You get a view of a toilet.  Tilt the phone in order to try and drain your drinks into the pot.  Each level is a drink, and it’s followed by a flush and a short break.

The game play is surprisingly difficult.  This sucker is supremely sensitive and constantly changing to mimic the sway-factor of a drunkard.  

And the golden stream…well, let’s just say the physics engine ain’t too shabby either.  Enough to be a little cringe-inducing.  

To be honest, nobody is going to recommend this game for the game play, but only for the novelty.  With that in mind, you might want to download the lite version.  If you’re curious and have an extra $.99 lying around, though, feel free.

You can buy Drunk Sniper HERE.

Check out the screenshots below.

We’ll have a FULL video review once this puppy is released.

Beer Pong – BPONG 2009 Edition, by Publisher X, is not fun for me.  I mean, sure, it starts out that way, but twenty minutes into the game, you just want it to end already.  

Don’t get me wrong.  The game is designed very well.  There is a single player and multiplayer mode, and the controls are good.  It’s a simple game.  You start with a pyramid of cups, each filled with a certain amount of digital beer.  Your job is to toss ping-pong balls into the cups opposite you.  Your opponent does the same.  And each basket they make marks a cup you have to drink.

So it’s important to pull ahead from the beginning, because the drunker you get, the harder the game is.

Of course you aren’t really drinking with this one, but the “drunk effect” is simulated via a wobbly camera that actually is pretty frustrating (which is the point).

The environment is a nice touch, too.  The beer pong table is in the middle of a bar, and it looks pretty good.  If your ping-pong ball bounces off the table, though, it might bounce right through the 2D wrapping, totally ruining the illusion.  Whatever, it’s an iPhone game, and perfection is not expected in the world of beer pong.

Throw balls by flicking your fingers upward, similar to a number of sports games.  This is actually pretty hard, and just when you have the hang of it, your drunkenness starts to mess with gameplay.

For a while it is simple, fun and easy.  Then, as the number of cups diminishes, it just gets hard, frustrating, and time consuming.  I swear, I had to play for a half hour on easy to get through one game the first time.  I know, that just means I suck, but I believe games should be fun regardless of your skill level.  And I was playing on easy.

Of course this was before the update.  Now there is an option to play with the original ten cups, six cups, or three cups.  That should make it a lot more bearable, time wise, but the game is still incredibly simplistic and repetitive (just like the real one).

The level selection basically makes your opponent either more or less skillful.  On easy, the computer was just about as bad as me.  I still lost, though.

A nice little touch is the voice of a girl saying mocking, inappropriate things whenever you miss.  She actually can get kind of annoying, but it’s a good idea.  I wish I could change voices and choose my favorite sultry line delivery, but that’s probably overkill for this kind of game.

The game is very well made and put together, but I dislike it for the same reasons I hate the real one.  If you like the real game, nab this one.  It’s pretty cheap at $1.99…I’d say it’s worth $.99.  All the cups are 3D animated, and there are camera moves and spins built in that are pretty to look at, so on a graphical level it offers a pretty cool immersive environment.

If I want to get drunk, though, I’ll just shoot whiskey while my friends play the real beer pong.  We’ll all end up in the same place, unsure of how we got there.

But Beer Pong – BPONG 2009 Edition HERE.

I am addicted. It’s true.  I am constantly firing up this app.  When I wake up, when I go to the bathroom, all the damn time.  I can’t stop. If you haven’t tried a mafia type game you should.  My favorite of the group is Mafia Live!

It all started a few months ago.  A few different mafia type games popped up on the iPhone radar.  Makes sense, its a perfect platform for this genre. Touch screen, always connected, blah blah, you know all this.  What you might not know, is which one to get.  Which one is still good after 40 levels.  So I downloaded and have been playing 3 of these type games for awhile. I have came to the conclusion FOR NOW that Mafia Live! by Aftershock Innovations is my favorite.  I say for now, because these games are all rapidly evolving, working out the in-game balances and adding new features.

I didn’t think this would be my favorite.  Not by a long shot.  First it costs money! Ouch, all the others where free.  And second, the interface was doody.  It has improved over time but dag, its still pretty fugly.  Being a designer it hurt when I first fired it up.  Really I think I cried a little.  So why is this my winner amongst all the players? While the developers might not have the best interface design skills, they do know how to make a solid game.  It plays better than any of the others out there.  Things are in balance and not out of whack.  Leveling is smooth and challenging. For example, in one of the other apps, I have so much money I don’t know what to do with it.  WTF.  After I hit a certain level with that app the game is now ruined.  The fun has left the building.  Mafia Live still keeps me thinking and on my toes.

If you don’t know anything about this type game, here is the deal.  You start a character.  Go on missions.  Add friends.  Buy property and weapons.  Fight rivals.  And level up. Its a blast. It is the perfect pick me up and play game.  Log in, check your cash flow.  See who laid the smack down on you.  Maybe Torch a rival’s drug field or protect a most wanted criminal or two. Set it down, and check back in about an hour.   All the mafia type games are based around timers.  For example you restore energy every 3 minutes, or your properties pay you every 60 minutes. This leads to an interesting way of playing the game.  I seem to be much more time aware lately.

There are two things that I don’t like about these mafia style games.  One is they all have a main dude, who can give you bonuses and benefits. In Mafia Live! its the Godfather.  But these points cost real money for the most part.  I understand the developers need flow, but I don’t like the idea that Richie Rich doesn’t have to work the same way everyone else does.  He can just buy it.  The second thing, is that they really seem to push you to add members.  Once again, I get the concept, bigger family, more powerful more fun, but I don’t like that I have to do this or be destroyed all the time.  And I don’t like feeling that I am pushing my crack on my friends and family. (my family code is 236158483 feel free to add me ; )

These games are a blast. I guess thats why there is so much competition in this space.   I expect Zynga will soon be adding there successful Facebook version to the iPhone like they did Poker, and Scramble.

You can buy Mafia Live! here.

 


My early life with SimCity

Back in 1989, while my under-aged college buddies were out trying to buy wine coolers with fake I.D.s at Red Barn Liquors, I had just loaded up a new game on my Amiga 500 called SimCity.

SimCity on the Amiga 500.

The next morning, when they came in the dorm stumbling drunk, I had built a metropolis. They were not impressed. But my Sims loved me and that’s all that mattered.

This game was a first. You didn’t win or lose; it was a city building simulation. Try explaining that to your Sega Genesis playin’, wine cooler drinkin’ Golden Axe buddies.

Since then, the SimCity franchise has grown and spun-off over the years (I still have a buddy that LOVES SimAnt).

The iPhone Game

Advisors are still useful.

When I first heard EA was developing a SimCity for the iPhone and iPod Touch, I thought for sure that it would be some stripped down, lite version like Spore. Boy was I wrong. This is it: the classic game, disasters and everything.

EA has done a hell of a job porting this over to a mobile device. I think they are starting to understand the amount of money you can make off the iPhone.

Great interface design.

The interface is clean and simple. The multi-touch works perfectly within the interface. The animation, sound and gameplay are incredible. Most importantly, my Sims still hate it when I raise their taxes to 10%. We all know what happens when the Sims complain too much… ALIEN INVASION!

Graphics are familiar and detailed.

This is the game to get for the iPhone. The best full game I’ve yet played on this device. I’ve read the user reviews on the iTunes store bitching about it crashing or being buggy. They should try re-booting their iPhone after installation, like EA recommends. I followed the developer’s recommendation and I have never crashed.

One Complaint

I know, I know. I’m gonna do it anyway. The only thing that I miss in this version is the ability to rotate your map. I know it’s petty, but I miss it and I’ve said it. I feel better now.

I’m A Cheater

Intriguing...

My kids love playing The Sims 2 and love their cheat codes. When I shake my iPhone while playing SimCity a dialogue box comes up and says “Enter Cheat Code”. “Motherlode” doesn’t work. If anyone knows of any codes, please leave them in the comments or email one of us here at TapCritic.

Conclusion

This is one of the best–if not the best–game for the iPhone right now. I highly, highly recommend it. EA made a strong release with this, after sorta screwing up Spore for the iPhone. After playing this full version of SimCity for the iPhone, I’m now looking forward to EA’s upcoming releases of The Sims 3 and Tiger Woods PGA Tour.

This game, along with Brothers in Arms and JellyCar, shows that game development for the iPhone can be diverse, fun and–most importantly–that this device offers true mobile gaming.